Feelings Into Words

Poetry could never capture the feeling of Ireland. Words can’t express it, but poetry and songs are close as they amplify the feelings. It’s more than the cliché of sheep and greens, it’s a feeling deeply embedded in the heart that is calling for me to fly and be free.

Poets, as well as anybody that has ever lived or visited Ireland I can assume, would know of this feeling, this freedom, associated with Ireland. It's a glorious feeling, full of calmness, adventure, loving, and hope. It can't be described into words the feeling I got from watching a bird soar over the open, green fields as the sun is setting. The little black bird with grey speckles fly towards the earth, leveling out as he weaved in-between the grass, bushes, and trees. Up to the sky he fly, soaring across the sun dimming sky. It was beautiful and breathtaking, but something that is seen and felt every day in Ireland.

Ode to the West Wind and To a Skylark, by Shelly, were both trying to capture the wondrous, beautiful world into words to express and share. Shelly was looking for a muse, for an inspiration, and this desire to really write effective poetry that could connect the feeling from nature to his poetry. Shelly was looking for the right words and struggling with that, as anyone would in trying to capture such wonders and experiences from nature. This is how I feel as I try to express the feelings of Ireland's total awe-striking powers.

"Grab It and Let It Go"

"Grab it and let it go" is the saying that my Mom would quote, and still does often, when my sisters or I are getting annoyed or upset. The motion of grabbing it and letting go is as to grab something out of the air, clench your fist, breathe in, and let it go by just opening up your hand while breathing out. I reminds me of meditation and is probably used as such. My mom didn't want us fretting over something we had no control over or have it grow into a grudge or more anger. Holding grudges can lead to people, relationships, friendships, or even oneself to change.

The poem, A Poison Tree by William Blake, describes the process of anger and its possible repercussions if held in. It was written in 1794, during the romanticism era of writing. This poem has a great moral about not holding anger within or it will consume you.

I was angry with my friend,

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry with my foe,

I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears

Night and morning with my tears;

And I sunned it with smiles,

And with soft deceitful wiles

And it grew both day and night,

Till it bore an apple bright;

And my foe beheld it shine,

And he knew that it was mine

And into my garden stole

When the night had veil'd the pole:

In the morning glad I see

My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

The speaker expressed his anger and was relieved of it. However, he did not with his foe, which led to his anger and hatred growing. He 'watered' this anger and allowed it to keep growing. He thought about it constantly and his anguish and fury overtook him. He was like the apple that grew from the tree. He was sweet and innocent on the outside, putting on a face and smiling for the public. On the inside though, he was poisoned. The foe took the apple and died. The speaker shows no remorse although it is assumed that the speaker killed the foe. The speaker's anger grew like a tree...and a poisonous apple sprouted from it. This could happen to anybody that holds anger and strife within. Thus, it is best to not hold one's feelings in and "grab it and let it go."

The Irish Tongue

The Irish language is beautiful and fluent. It is spoken only in the smallest, Gaeltacht, communities here. They are far and few between in this wondrous country. These communities attempt to keep the Irish language alive. I was honored to attend two Gaelic language classes as part of an Irish Culture Seminar and was able to further appreciate the Irish culture through the Irish tongue. It was beautiful to listen to and very difficult for me to speak. In the second language class, I saw a film about a poet, Michael Hartnett. It was beautiful listening to Irish poetry and it is no wonder why so many excellent pieces of writing have come out of this wondrous country.

William Butler Yeats has a great poem, To Ireland in the Coming Times, it is eloquent and beautiful to read. "While still I may, I write for you...The love I lived, the dream I knew." The Irish language is beautiful, and although Yeats writes in the English language here, he was very appreciative of his homeland. Also, his descriptions of the Ireland, in general, are amazing. They aid in my wanting to live here longer!

Starting New

As the first four weeks of classes came to a close, I was elated to have a break. However, now that the second half is starting, I have become more or less saddened. For one, it means that my trip is more than halfway over. Ireland has been amazing to me and I respect it and am very grateful for all that has been bestowed upon me. I have grown so much in not only knowing myself, but in appreciating various cultures as well.

For a class, I am reading Early Poems by William Butler Yeats. I personally despise many poems in general and have a hard time paying attention to them to actually finish them, let alone understand them. However, many of Yeats' poems aren't too bad and in fact, I have found some that I can gear towards my life. For example, Ephemera, is very close to how my past love and I feel. I understand him...and the circumstances, his reasoning, and that we just weren't meant to be. My true love awaits. This, in more or less words, is very close to what was told to me

I'm reading my heart and asking myself to follow it. This too is the start of something new as I slowly step out of an old relationship and out of a life phase, even as good as it was, and into the unknown that I am so desperately afraid of. I have recently changed many plans for my future; all in the hope of deciding something right in the process of starting new.

Being in Ireland has taught me many things. As the second half of my adventure and journey starts, I look forward to the scary unknown, that dream and feeling of wanting to do something more and helpful with my life, and starting a new phase...in Ireland, in my courses, and in my life.

Paris

Caption: Eiffel Tower at night on the hour. No idea who's in the picture.

"Paris holds the key to your heart..." - Anastasia. A week in Paris for Easter break sounds phenomenal to many, including me! It was full of adventure and fun; as well as further heartbreak and healing. The days were packed full, but were heartfelt and true. The general feeling of love and relaxation never strayed...even in the smelly, dirty metro stations.

We arrived as a group on Sunday to an Ibis Hotel. My roommate and I were set in a smaller than most room in the back corner of a hallway. We had been warned that most Paris rooms were small, but our room was barely manageable and we often tripped over each other when entering and exiting the room. However, it was Paris, and we didn't mind.

Paris is an hour ahead of Ireland and thus six hours ahead of the United States' east coast, specifically home in Pennsylvania. I didn't take my computer with me for a fear of something happening to it, so I never talked to anybody at home all week. This helped a bit in starting to get over my recent heartache, but sucked at the same time (complicated things, I know). However, I was in Paris and was perfectly okay without technology, something new to my generation. Just on Sunday, we visited the Eiffel Tower, ate amazing chocolate and banana crepes, walked the Seine River, and visited the outside of the Notre Dame Cathedral. It was a fantastic night to start off the week in Paris.

The Louvre Museum was on Monday. The pyramid in the movie, The DiVinci Code, was the first thing I noticed, but everything inside the Museum was amazing. The Mona Lisa painting was packed with tourists but a few pictures were taken as I stood on my tippy-toes and hoped I was pointing the camera the right direction over the mass crowd. Afterwards, a couple of my friends and I walked to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. It was over 280 steps and definitely winded us! It was an amazing view from the top and I could see in every direction of Paris...or so it seemed. That same day, we toured the Notre Dame Cathedral, which was breathtaking, and sat at a street cafe and drank Bailey's Hot Chocolate as we "people-watched." It was a great day, however, that night beat it!

As a giant group, we paraded to a traditional French dinner in the Latin Quarter. The food and was amazing, but the atmosphere, entertainment and our group as company was incredible! The restaurant hires two musicians and they were fantastic and hilarious! As they sang, danced, and played their instruments, we attempted to eat. They were so entertaining; we stayed well over an hour after finishing our meals. The man who sang and played the guitar would make some of us randomly sing and dance with him. It was an amazing night in Paris!

On Tuesday, we visited the D'Orsay Museum. It was very nice and I appreciated all of the artwork. Breaking away from the group for lunch, a few friends and I ate sandwiches in a park. The whole group eventually found its way to Montmartre and saw Moulin Rouge and Sacre Coeur. The Montmartre area was gorgeous and I enjoyed going very much! That night, a few friends and I enjoyed going out for a nice dinner and then some amazing ice cream!

My plans on Wednesday were messed up, but my friends and I easily recovered. We had meant to visit Versailles that day; but due to the RER workers being on strike, we had to leave it for Thursday. The Opera, the bell of Notre Dame, and a Vietnamese dinner occupied my Wednesday and it was a great day with some of my friends. At the bell tower of Notre Dame, my friends and I took "Quasimodo" pictures as we laughed hysterically.

Versailles on Friday was beautiful and its gardens can't be expressed in words. They were amazing and huge! The Queen's Hamlet was my favorite part of the palace grounds. It was no wonder why Marie Antoinette was hated so much! "The people have no food." "Then let them eat cake." This being one of her most infamous quotes is an example of her lifestyle and connection to her people. It was ridiculous how much she had and did not need. On the plus side, it was amazing to tour and easy to appreciate the beauty and wonders of Versailles.

Friday morning brought most of us back to our home in Ireland, and it truly felt like being home again! We flew back with only around 15 students, considering some went on weekend adventures. However, the few that were going home felt that instant home welcoming as we were bused around the bend that opened up upon the bay. It was beautiful and I feel even more grateful to be in Ireland and from Ireland.

So Paris was amazing and intense. It was everything that people had said and more. The Parisians were even nice, contrary to what many had warned me. The Eiffel Tower was immaculate at night and the Mona Lisa's smile was as odd as ever. It was a wonderful experience to be in Paris for a week and I was very lucky to have had the opportunity.

Fairy Tales

"Fairy tales" may come true; but until they do, women are strong enough to continue as they find their own way. When they're scared the most, that's when they find the strength.

When I was little, Disney movies were always a family favorite. The "fairy tale" and the "happily ever after" themes were displayed in everything from television shows to movies to oral traditions being spoken for night-time stories. What Disney fails to show children, is that women can be perfectly fine without a strong relationship for most of their lives. I believe that men and women complement each other. I believe that Disney movies show girls how to be strong; however, at the same time, show them that love happens quickly. As a young woman, I have fallen in love and seen it taken away in one fell swoop. This trip was made much harder due to this recent heartbreak.

I thought that I had found love. I was ready to wait for him and stay with him forever. I was mistaken, dear readers. This love I had found was only one way. To him, I became just a friend and he broke my heart in the nicest way he could. He has taken my crying and my pain right along with his and has actually helped me a bit in attempting to accept this new phase of my life. I know I was in love and I know my heart was broken. However, I know that I am strong and I know that I need to find myself again.

Disney should teach girls this: to be a strong-willed women who know that the man of their life may or may not come in the prime of their lives, that women need to find themselves and discover who they want to be in life before they are ready for marriage, and that rediscovering themselves after a heartbreak doesn't always have to be as grim, painful, and upsetting as it seems to be. The story behind Disney movies is that women need to be strong and that they will find love. The fact that the love happens to princesses and when they are young, is just a "fairy tale." I will always love the Disney classics, I will always follow my heart as it has told me so many times to do, and I will always look for the right man in my life. One day, maybe Disney will show off a woman that doesn't find a man; although upsetting, it may not be as bad as it sounds in the long run. Girls would at least know that it is okay and that they themselves will move on. I know this from my own experience, no matter how hard I am hurting, but others may not.

To be broken-hearted in Ireland is truly a blessing. The daily activities keep my mind off of it and its beauty has helped in my recovery. It helps to feel relaxed and on a bit of vacation. It has been almost a week since things ended for me and my past love. However, I feel better every day...and I hope every woman in the same situation will as well. Although I am scared for my future and bawling over my past, right now I am strong and know that I am blessed to be in such a gorgeous country away from the pain.

This blog may seem random, but I have looked back to Disney movies, the classics, since I was little as a comfort and I have listen to their songs for strength. These movies are more than just child entertainment, they are inspirational.

This is what I now know: I'm like...
90% sure I would have married him
85% sure that it would have lasted if we tried
70% sure that I will be able to be friends with him still because i need him in my life...I think
90% sure that I will love again
50% sure that I won't cry tonight
80% sure that in a couple weeks time I will only cry randomly
75% sure that I will think of him often and for months
90% sure that I will be able to date again within a year
90% sure that I'm getting stronger every day
80% sure that I will return home and cry all over again
90% sure that I would have made him so happy if he had given us a chance
90% sure that I know he did what he had to do
95% sure that I understand him
90% sure that he got scared after he told me he wanted to marry me
90% sure that I will find love again and move on.
85% sure that I will continue to learn more about myself and my inner-strength from this
100% sure that I will never regret falling in love with him.

Anastasia: "Journey to the Past"

"Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how a road can seem so seem so vast
On a journey to the past

Somewhere down this road
I know some one's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Finally home where I belong
Well starting now, I'm learning fast
On this journey to the past

Home, love, family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, love, family
I will never be complete until I find you

One step at a time
One hope then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
Onto find my future
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign
Let this road be mine
Let it lead me to my past
And bring me home
At Last"